Stagnant can our day to day lives be that forgotten matters that arise from deep within comes knocking on my back door, quietly and consistently at first. But with far more pressing matters at hand, I ignore the soft knocking.
Knock. Knock. knock knock.
I slowly forget the cones of threads I so purposefully place visibly on my desk, the inspiration boards, both at work & home, where from time to time, photos are added just because I can’t help not to. The hours I use to put towards volunteering at Children Aid’s Society diminished to precious minutes. Thankfully, not completely but enough to make my tender heart feel an emptiness. The Judy, currently outfitted with a half-finished project taunts me every morning and night, silently shaking its head at me for its negligence.
Knock knock. knock knock.
Until Bluehost, a month ago, sent me an email, asking me if I would like to renew my domain registration for another 3 years, $300 one-time payment to be charged to my credit card.
Dot dot dot. (Personal fact: frugal as fuck so any amount of money paid out especially anything above $50 is scrutinize, a secret to extend the dollar as far as possible ^.^)
I started this website in 2015 as an investment to my future, a platform where I would be able to chisel at, making small impacts to others outside my immediate circle of friends and colleagues. Written words were my comfort. Photos always used as accomplice because words alone would not suffice to any of my deliverables. The 3 blog pages I started previous (mostly about food & recipes) was just child’s play, hosted on free blogger’s space.
And so this website, was the real deal to my “entrepreneurship” I was going to make this happen. I had the vision, the purpose and the reason, which was vouched and encouraged by many I dared to share with, strangers & friends alike. Business cards made, written content thought of during osmosis state materialized on screen, moments captured on camera, suddenly halted a year and a half later.
Life shifted my focus, for the good in hindsignt but it did sacrifice the dedication I once had to build queenielui.com during any free moments. And so when Bluehost was about to rob me of hard earned cash, I did some re-evaluation. To invest further or to cease it.
Knock knock. knock knock.
Every decision you make in life leads to another – all this is part of a crafted process which builds the climax to your life story. Some moments are slow & deliberate while others are turbulent. As Opran & The Obama’s would say, every individual has a purpose in life. Everyone. I’ve always knew mine, found in the midst of darkness at a young tender age, I knew without a doubt there is something bigger for me to live for. This belief, not for a single second, whatever state of emotion I may be in , ever wavered. It remained as always, the only constant tool I possessed.
And so while I am lucky enough to know my purpose in life, it does not automatically work itself out immediately to take effect. I understand, this is– crafted process, each step builds the foundation for the next. A house cannot be built without first digging out to lay out its foundation. An infant cannot walk without first crawling. A vocalist cannot reach a high C without vocal warm up. Simply put, steps cannot be sped up to achieve desirable results. Corners cannot be cut. And so, where it matters, I will slow down and enjoy this crafted process of such endeavours. This lesson is especially important now when high speed of all other matters has become a daily expectation.
From where I was 15, 10, 5, 3, 2, 1 years ago, I’ve made small increments. Nothing truly to celebrate upon, but enough to not give up and walk away just as the foundations are just taking shape.
Knock knock. knock knock.
And so, with new affirmation, robbed of $300 to maintain my domain registration for another 3 years, the need to delicate more time towards this plan becomes more urgent. While I will continue to fulfill the expectations’ of my full time career that pays for my toasty bed, I must remember to set aside time to honour this life goal so that my heart may be full. J
Let’s open up this chapter for year 2019!! Time for me to get uncomfortable and make a dent!
Lived and live to share your story to inspire. It’s not for everyone to know but for those who resonant with you, they will naturally listen and connect. And that is the ignition to leaving your footprint. #craftedprocess
